Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
