im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
