We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
