Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
