do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
