i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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