you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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