Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
