she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
