my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
