kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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