I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
pray to the hookup gods
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
