Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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