I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
