I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
