his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
