I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
