I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
