dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
