It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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