I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
