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We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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