YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
