FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
