bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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