the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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