I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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