why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
