Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
