Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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