i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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