I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
