too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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