so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
