people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
