okay pat passed out under dana's car
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
