Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
