...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
