yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
