I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
