Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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