remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
