we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
