I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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