Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
