there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Randomize
