I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
