im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
