Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
