Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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