actually, I'm a sock model
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
