My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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