This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
